The grace Zone - Part six, part two

We are going to dive straight in, if you have been here for the last couple of weeks, you will know that of 1Peter. It is a beautiful book written by a man, a fisherman who gave his life to Jesus, began following Jesus. Jesus raised him up as a leader, commissioned him and sent him out, he became an apostle. He became one who planted a church, and established churches, and God used him mightily in the leading of the early church. As we are looking at the book of 1Peter, he has been writing, reminding people of the wonder of Jesus and what Jesus has done. How Jesus has called us out of the darkness into His wonderful light. He says: “You are now a chosen people, people belonging to God, a royal priesthood.” God is building a temple out of you. We are the New Testament temple, here to shine forth the glory of God. And it all sounds so good, but. There are going to be some tough times. And but I don’t want you to just blend in, I want you to shine for Jesus. I want you to stand out and bring Him glory and honour. And what he has been doing for the last couple of weeks, or what we have been doing with his book for the last couple of weeks is study this concept of submission.

 Now, submission in the eyes of the world is often seen in a negative light, and what Jesus did, is Jesus came into the world and taught us the power of a submitted life. He taught us the power of what happens when you come in under God, it’s like the heavens open for God to pour out His power and authority into our lives. As we come under God’s authority, and where God has put authority, so we open the door for God’s authority to flow. Through homes, through businesses, through society. And so we look in different contexts about what it means to submit to government and authority, what it means in a work environment, the bosses, master and slaves, the work environment. Last week we looked at wives, how are you ladies? Today, men, we are talking about husbands. The most interesting thing is that it took six verses to speak to the wives, but only one verse for the men. That could only mean one of two things. It could mean that men are pre – anointed in such a way that you don’t have to say much, it comes naturally to them, or it could mean that Peter was trying to put the cookies on the bottom shelf, trying to make it as simple and easy as possible. Just one verse, this is what you need to do. I will let you ladies decide which is which. Here we have our one verse; it is in 1Peter chapter 3 and verse 7: “⁷ Husbands, in the same way.”  And that way, remember, is this way of submission we have been studying, the same context, he brings it together in the same way, be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers.”

One verse, but in this one verse we are going to see there is a lot packed in there that we understand it, we can have a huge impact. Before I begin to unpack the text, I have to set a bit of a scene. We are going to go back in time, about six years, for a snap shot into the Brading household. This is the day our son Adam ran his first race. He was at the nursery school, and it was sports day. And you can see hundreds of moms and dads sitting around this athletics track of forty meters of garden. And Adam was called to his race. And there were seven or eight  four or five year olds, nervously standing on the line, talking to each other, looking to mom and dad for some affirmation, or approval, or posing for a photo. But not Adam. Adam was focused. Adam saw the finish line. Others were posing for a good photo, Adam was already in the get set position, focused on the line. When the gun went off, some of the youngsters got a fright, looked for mom and dad, but not Adam. He was already half way down the track. When he broke that line to the rapturous applause of the crowd, he graciously turned around to his competitors and said: “Losers.” You can imagine at this point, the pastor and his wife, sitting on the side, which have been cheering, and suddenly said: “Oh dear son, what have you done?” I would love to say the story ended there, but at the end of every good there meeting that involves children, come the moms and dads race.

And so, Kate and I walked to the line. Because this was no ordinary race, this was a three legged race. And as every other couple was nervously chatting, Kate and I were on the line. As they were posing for photos, we were strategizing about getting into step, and how are we going to win this race. As that gun went off, we didn’t jump the gun I don’t think, but we were in the lead. So time stood still, Chariots of Fire in the background. With one fluid motion, one flesh, we covered that tape. We broke that tape in the first round. We broke the tape winning the race in the semi-finals, yes, in the finals also. To rapturous applause of the crowd, we crossed that line. And graciously turned to our fellow competitors and I managed to stop Kate before. What’s the point? Here’s the point. I want us to consider today a picture about marriage which as I pondered and studied it, has really begun to shape my thinking a whole lot. I think that a three legged race, with your wife, is a beautiful picture of what it means to be married. When it works well, it works well. And you can cover lots of ground in step, one flesh, and you can finish the race. But when it doesn’t work, it is nasty. People always end up falling on the ground or tripping, or getting mad at each other. Husbands, I want us to think today about marriage as the captain of that team who’s responsibility it is to get the team over the line as best as you can. I love the scriptures in the Bible that speak about life being a race, here are some examples.

 Hebrews chapter twelve verse one says: “Therefore since we are being surrounded by such a cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us.” Here’s my question: Is it an individual race, or is it a three – legged race for those who are married. I have always pictured the man of God, running for the line, Jesus, I want to cross that line, I want to run my race, but I have always pictured it as me running the race. And as Like God has arrested my heart to say actually, when you got married, you stop running an individual race and now you are running a three – legged race. Now, you are running in step with someone else, and if you are going to win that race, you will have to run differently. You have to run strategically, you have to run at the same pace, in rhythm to finish well. Philippians chapter three verse fourteen, Paul said this: “I press on toward the goal to win the prize that God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.” Will you win the prize if you cross the line, but your wife is somewhere all the way back there struggling, or if she crosses the line, and you are somewhere back there lying on the ground heaving. Does that count? God made it clear when he created Adam, He made Adam and Eve. When you are married, you come together to be joined as one flesh. The two will become one. So, when we read these scriptures about running the race and finishing it, are we thinking individual race, or are we thing a three – legged race?

 Paul said this at the end of his life, in 2Timothy chapter four verse seven; “I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race.” Husbands, I want to talk to you today about running as a husband in such a way that the team crosses the line. That the team finishes well, that the team runs well, because it’s not about an individual, it’s about the couple. So we are talking about husbanding, and another context, remember it says; “Husbands, in the same way.” Now, that way I mentioned is the way of submission. No husband ever minds when I talk about submission to the wives. But does a husband need to submit to his wife? Have you ever pondered that? You see, when Paul was writing about marriage in Ephesians chapter five, before he said wives submit, he said submit one to another. So, he proceeded by saying there is a mutual submission involved, and then he focused on ‘wives submit,’ he always focused on that, but here Peter even says “in the same way.” I believe that whenever there is Godly authority, there should be Godly submission to it. The question is; does the wife carry authority from God? When God made Adam, He said it’s not good for a man to be alone. So, I’m going to create Eve. Make Eve from his side, because he needs a helper. What God was doing there is God was commissioning Eve to be the helper. God was saying: “You are not going to be able to do this job alone, you need some help. And this is who I’m going to give you to get the job done.”

And so, when God gave the commission, with that commission comes authority. And husbands, what I’m saying are that your wife has authority from God to help you get the job done that God has called you to do. Independent from your wife, you never going to fulfil everything God has for you. You need to do it together. And what that means is that we are going to have to submit to that understanding that this is not an independent race. It is to submit to that understanding that we only going to win when we win together as opposed to try to run apart. What it means is submitting to the fact that we are in a three – legged race. Imagine trying to run a three – legged race as if no one joined to your ankle. You macho man could break from the line as fast as you can, but it is not going to work. Because you will be dragging your poor partner along and you both are going to end up on the ground. What it means is the faster runner is going to have to submit to the pace of the slower runner. You can’t just run full pace, you have to run at the team pace rather than your pace. Now, when it comes to Kate and me, on a short distance, maybe up to forty meters, I’m faster. But is any of you have seen her running around Meerensee, anything over forty meters, she is way faster. She tried to run with me again the other day, but, she’s way faster. She could hold herself back for about one kilometre, and then it was like, really? And off she went into the distance. But the reality is; God makes us different. He makes men and women differently, and that’s why if there is not a mutual submission to each other, then there will never be the ability to stay in step with each other. So, Paul then gives us I mean Peter rather gives us two practical steps, or practical pieces of advice on how are we going to do this three – legged race together well. So, here is the first one;

 He said: “Husbands, you need to be considerate as you live with your wives.” Now, what does that mean? Does that mean to be considerate? That means, in a nutshell, how is your partner doing? That’s what it means. It means to actually stop and think what your partner is in. If you are just running for the line, without giving a whole lot of attention to the person running next to you, then you end up in trouble. You are going to end up lying on the grass, kicking each other probably. To be considerate means a pervading mind set or attitude to keep on asking the question how is my spouse doing? I have been married almost eighteen years, and in that time, I should have some good victory stories that I could tell you. But I didn’t think of any. But what did come to mind is how many times and how easy it is to not be considerate. How easy it is to just glance at your partner, and based on your strength, and where you are at, kind of just evaluate them accordingly. In other words, “I’m doing fine, I feel strong, you look alright, let’s keep on going. Peter said this: “You have to learn to be considerate.” What he said at this point, is because she is weaker. Now, this is dangerous ground. As soon as I tell my wife that she’s the weaker partner, she says, “Would you like to test that theory?” And I have not beaten her at Wrestle mania yet. But the reality of the fact is that God has made men and women completely different. I have some strength, and I have some weaknesses, Kate has a lot of strengths, but she has some weaknesses also. And to be considerate means learning to factor into our thinking where that person is at, not where I am at, but where that person is at.

So, we can adjust our pace and run accordingly. Kate’s not a big talker, and I have discovered I’m not a big listener either. So what that means is that it is so easy in the race of life to miss the moments. To miss the little conversations, to miss  the little warning signs that should be telling you we need to change pace, or we need to run slightly different. Peter is reminding us men, be considerate. To submit to running in a team is different to running individually. And the first step is to ask you in the big things: “How is she really doing emotionally, spiritually, physically? How content is she really? And what about in the small things? I heard of one couple who just got married and new hubby walks into the new house, the new kitchen, and sees his new wife who is busy washing the dishes and overwhelmed by the sense of love, he says: “Darling I don’t know how to express just how much I love you.” To which she throws in the dish towel, and says: “Try this.” That is consideration is how can I actually help? How can I serve? My friend Bruce, I am meeting him at the airport. He told me this story, I’m sure he won’t mind, but I’m going to tell you anyway. He said the story with me that something struck him in terms of the different ways that man and a woman thinks. So, he’s obviously in a rather intimate with his lovely wife. And at that moment, he says to her: “Baby, what is it that I do that arouses me the most?” To which she says: “When you come outside and open the gate when I drive home.” And suddenly you realized, he is thinking: “When you tickle me or kiss me there.” She is thinking: “No, just serving me in that way.” How considerate are we? For a man, it is easy to think from a man’s perspective about how my wife should be doing. But actually, husbands, be considerate. If you are going to run well, and captain the team well, and stay in step well, and finish the race well, it’s not going to happen if we don’t listen, to watch, to ask and to be very observant. Husbands, be considerate as you live with your wife. And then it says treat them with respect as the weaker partner.

 Respects speaks about the manner of honouring and value, it’s a way of showing appreciation. Calling her the weaker partner is a dangerous statement, but here’s the reality. In the world of sport, there are very few sport events where men and women actually compete together. Show jumping, but beyond that I will have to really think about a whole lot of other events where men and women compete. Normally, you have the men’s event, then you have equivalent the women’s event, and normally, the men’s record is slightly better than the women’s record just because we have been made differently. Men are generally made stronger, and when you are thinking, can I beat the women’s record, or the women are thinking can I beat the men’s record, they are competing with each other against their own record. The problem is, when it comes to marriage, we can so easily slip into that competitive mind set. Respect is about learning to honour and appreciate the uniqueness and the strength that God has put into someone else. So, it doesn’t have anything to do with a woman or a man, who is the weaker, it is not speaking about morals, it is not speaking about a man being spiritually superior, it is not speaking about any of that. It simply is speaking about the fact that physically, God has made us differently. And if we don’t learn and appreciate the fact that we are made differently, and then we can slip into a mode of marriage where you actually begin to compete and judge, and criticize. That leads me to one of the biggest challenges. The fact is that God has called us to cross the line together. If we begin to not appreciate and respect the differences in the way God has made us, if we allow ourselves to fall into that competitive type of mind set, then begins to creep into our hearts is this thing called resentment or bitterness, or frustration. The reality is, after eighteen years, it took me about that long, I have realized that God has made Kate and I completely differently. And the environments that are good for me are not necessarily good for Kate, and some of the environments that are good for Kate are certainly not good for me.

 What I believe is that respect is about respecting the uniqueness in which way God has made us. For example, as a pastoral couple, we spent the first ten, eleven years of leading this church, I don’t mind sitting with people and hearing about their issues and praying with them, and doing the account thing, that’s fine. And faithful sidekick, I expect you to be here with me. Because, isn’t that what pastor’s wives do? You see, I’m running because that’s what God has called me to do, my poor wife is taking a huge strain, because that’s not what God has called her to do. God has called us to run together, but that doesn’t mean to say: “I need to take into account actually what is her strengths and weaknesses.” And when it comes to looking at all the books and understanding how the finance works, and getting this done, and planning an event, it actually makes me want to vomit. But actually, she is amazingly gifted with that. My point is this; if you don’t respect and appreciate the differences and find value in the differences, then you begin to judge your spouse in her weakness from your place of strength. Think about that for a moment. In a situation, you are doing something, and that could be a place of strength, I could easily do this. So, why are you struggling? If we fall into that place of losing respect for the way God has created our spouses, what happens is we begin to slip into resentment and frustration and bitterness. Because it finishes off that passage, it says: “Be considerate, show respect, so that nothing will hinder your prayers.”

I’m thinking, how that affects my prayer life. Here’s the reality; the biggest hindrance to prayer is not oversleeping the alarm clock in the morning or anything like that. The biggest hindrance to prayer is, maybe you and I have been there. But God we have been praying and praying, but nothing seems to happen, and never seem to hear my prayer, here’s probably the reason why. Forgiveness. If that’s where you are right now, I would search my heart and say; “God, am I one hundred percent sure I’m not carrying some kind of bitterness, resentment or unforgiveness?” Jesus was very clear, He said in Matthew chapter six, verses twelve to fifteen as He taught the disciples to pray, he said: “Forgive us our debts as we forgive those who have sinned against us. And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from the evil one. For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you, but if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.” Time and time again, it’s this issue, and what happens is if we are not considering, and if we are not respecting the different way God has made us, then you begin to slip into competition mode, and judgemental mode, and critical mode, and resentment begins to grow, and suddenly it’s like the favour of God has dried up over your life and family. If you expect your wife to run at your pace, and stay in step with you, you will grow resentful, and it’s your own fault. If you judge your wife in her weakness, against yourself and your strength, you will get resentful and bitter. If you end up competing with your wife, instead of trying to get the team over the line together, you will become resentful and bitter, plus she will probably beat you.

Here’s the revelation that has gripped my heart; husbands, it is our job to set the path. “God, you have called me to lead this family to a God honouring, glorifying family that is fruitful and faithful, and accomplishes God’s plans. “God, you have called me to set the path.” But the wife sets the pace. There’s no good running ahead and expecting her to keep up and it’s no good letting her setting the pace, because that’s your job. It’s not your wife’s job to be dragging you ahead spiritually to do what God has called you to do. Husband, you set the path, but you allow her to set the pace. You submit to that pace of the team, and run together. Every three – legged race is bound to be at least one or two of those couples that end up on the ground. They tripped, they fell, and they didn’t run so well. And I believe that, maybe today, especially for us husbands, God might be challenging some of us to re-evaluate the job that you have been doing in leading this team. As captain of the team, it’s your job to keep the team running for the line. As captain of the team, you are responsible for keeping in step with your spouse. As captain of the team, if the team has fallen down, it’s your job to get them back onto their feet. After all this has been said and done, last week, wives, you can make yourself beautiful by putting on a heart of submission. Respect and honour. Men, you can get the team to win by setting the path and making sure the team stays in step. And when we do that, I believe you will discover that marriage is a beautiful, God ordained gift to us to help fulfil His purposes and plans. This is God’s grace for us, let’s stand firm in it.

Senior Pastor: Brent Brading

Web Address: www.outlookchurch.co.za